RNC v. Alexi Giannoulias

Posted: March 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

Today, the Panel of Morons took up the charge by the RNC that Alexi Giannoulias is a Moron.

At issue is the $120,000 in campaign contributions the Giannoulias campaign accepted from Nick Giannis, owner of the Boston Blackies restaurant chain. Giannis has recently been charged with bank fraud. In addition, Mr. Giannoulias has been criticized for authorizing questionable loans to people with criminal backgrounds during his tenure as the senior loan officer of Broadway Bank.

In arguing its case before the Panel, the RNC stated that between “his questionable relationships and business practices, Alexi’s ethical lapses are beyond distracting for someone running to be a U.S. senator,” and should therefore be classified as a Moron.

The Panel decided 4-1 to dismiss the charge at this time. Writing for the majority, Gov. Bribescam noted, “Seriously? Since when do ethics have a place in Illinois politics? Come on!” Gov. Bribescam was joined by Mr. Gumbie, Ms. Leggs, and Madame Goo-Goo in voting to dismiss the case.

Mr. Over was the lone dissenter. In his dissenting opinion, Mr. Over commented that “since the loss of this seat to a Republican candidate–a seat, might I add, that was last held by His Holiness, President B. Hussein Obama–would be a devastating blow to the Democratic Machine that has consistently revealed itself to be corrupt. Why hasn’t the liberal media brought this issue to light? Because the liberal media is, in fact, a statist entity designed to thwart democracy in America. Therefore, it is essential that this Panel not only address the RNC’s charge, but declare Mr. Giannoulias a Moron. For my fellow Panelists to dismiss the RNC’s charge is foolish, irresponsible, and it shows a disturbing trend in political activism among this panel that will turn the U.S.A.–the country that I and so many other patriots love so dearly–into the U.S.S.A–the United Socialist States of America!”

Since the Panel dismissed the case, Mr. Giannoulias has not been assigned a Moron Quotient.

However, due to his ranting dissent, Mr. Over was assigned an MQ of .93, making him an Uber-Moron.


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