Culture Campaign v. GaGa

Posted: March 17, 2010 in Uncategorized

The Panel of Morons heard arguments from the Culture Campaign to classify Lady GaGa as a Moron.

At issue is Lady GaGa’s controversial new video for her song, “Telephone.” Solicitors representing the Culture Campaign argued that the objectionable content of the video is a necessary and sufficient condition for assigning Lady GaGa a Moron Quotient of 0.90. Mr. Grabass, Lead Solicitor for the Culture Campaign, concluded in his closing remarks that “Only a Moron would consider this video a work of art. Moreover, what kind of person would wear outfits like those worn by the defendant? Only a Moron.”

Ms. Galore, the Solicitor representing Lady GaGa, countered that the Culture Campaign is nothing but a “bunch of  morons.” In her appeal, Ms. Galore argued, “Seriously? Technically, it’s not a music video, it’s a short film, along the line of Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller.’ Come on, even a Moron can tell the difference between a short film and a music video!”

In a 4-1 decision, The Panel sided with Lady GaGa, and declared that the Culture Coalition is, indeed, a “bunch of morons.” In explaining the opinion of the majority, Mr. Gumbie wrote:

“The Culture Coalition should read my latest book, Me, Myself, and I, LLC. In it, I state very clearly that people should live their lives like a Fortune 500 corporation. In order to achieve success, people need to horizontally integrate their skills and talents, and leverage their assets and those of strategic partners. Morality, then, is not–and should not be–an issue,  just as in the corporate world. Lady GaGa successfully adopted the guidelines I set forth in my book: She synergized her musical talent, her dancing skills, and her artistic vision in order to create an entertaining short film. She then formed a strategic partnership with the preeminent diva of our time, Beyonce. Lady GaGa then leveraged Beyonce’s considerable asset, to create a memorable and significant piece of art.”

Voting with Mr. Gumbie were Gov. Bribescam, Madame Goo Goo, and Ms. Leggs.

Mr. Over, the lone dissenting vote, wrote in his opinion that “this video [emphasis his] is continuing evidence of the moral free fall of America, which is encouraged and endorsed by Hollywood. Anyone who would wantonly undermine the sacred traditional values of these United States of America is unpatriotic and should be sent to some secret location and subjected to enhanced interrogation techniques for their own good and the good of our wonderful, God-fearing nation!”

The calculated Moron Quotient for the Culture Campaign is 0.74, which is a ranking of Moron.

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