Armstrong v. Kornheiser

Posted: March 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

In its first unanimous decision, the Panel of Morons decided that Tony Kornheiser, host of ESPN’s “Pardon the Interruption,” is a Moron.

The complaint, brought forth by Lance Armstrong, alleged that Mr. Kornheiser advocated car drivers to “Run them [cyclists] down like Wile E. Coyote….Just pop them a little bit and see what happens.” In his complaint, Mr. Armstrong said the the defendant’s comments were “Disgusting, ignorant and foolish. What a complete f—— idiot.”

In his defense, Mr. Kornheiser said, “I’m a sarcastic, subversive guy. I’m a troll.”

The Panel ruled 5-0 that Tony Kornheiser is a Moron. In the opinion for the entire Panel, Madame Goo-Goo wrote, “Yes, Mr. Kornheiser, you are a troll. And it is the opinion of the entire Panel that, not only are you a ‘complete f——- idiot,’ as charged by the Plaintiff,  but a complete f——- Moron as well. ”

Mr. Kornheiser’s Moron Quotient is 0.99, the highest possible MQ rating possible, classifying him as an Uber-Moron.

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