Hawk v. Otto

Posted: March 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

In a complaint filed to the Panel of Morons, Tommy Hawk, the official mascot of the Chicago Blackhawks, alleged that Rob Otto, a sports blogger from Detroit, should be declared a Moron in his admonishment of  Blackhawks fans for cheering during the singing of the National Anthem.

In his complaint, Mr. Hawk noted that fans’ cheering during the National Anthem is a tradition dating back 25 years, when the “…mighty Hawks took on the Edmonton Oilers in a playoff game. The fans began cheering during the National Anthem to show their patriotic pride and enthusiasm against a foreign enemy.” Mr. Hawk concluded that “this cheering is indeed part of the National Anthem as it was celebrated at the old Chicago Stadium, and is now celebrated at the United Center.” In his defense, Mr. Otto said that “It makes my skin crawl every time I hear it…It is disrespectful to the song and what it represents.”

The Panel of Morons ruled 4-1 in favor of Mr. Hawk. In the opinion of the majority, Ms. Leggs wrote “Mr. Otto needs to lighten up. The fans are–you know, just like–so excited and pumped up in showing their team spirit! It’s–just like–when I do the splits–you know–I pump my fist in the air, and–like–yell ‘Go Mosquitoes!”

In his dissenting opinion, Mr. Over wrote, “Mr. Otto is a brave patriot, and unlike the rest of the Morons on this Panel, knows the difference between the poor manners of a bunch of toothless, beer-drinking hockey fans, and a sacred, national tradition. Mr. Otto is a great American who respects the Constitution and the rule of law. Again, the Panel got this one wrong. Mr. Hawk, in my opinion, and all Blackhawks fans, should have been declared Morons.”

Mr. Otto’s Moron Quotient (MQ) is 0.33, classifying him as a Quasi-Moron.


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