United States of America v. Karzai

Posted: April 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

The Panel of Morons issued its first ever decision in an international case. The Panel ruled 3-2 in favor of the Plaintiff, the United States of America, that Hamid Karzai, the President of the Republic of Afghanistan, is a Moron.

In its complaint, the United States argued that Mr. Karzai should be declared a Moron for threatening to join the Taliban if outside forces continued to pressure him to reform. In arguing the Plaintiff’s claim against Mr. Karzai, the Undersecretary of State for Moron Affairs, Pat Riot (reeOH), asked, “The United States of America and its allies have committed the lives of over 100,000 troops and billions of dollars in support of the mission in Afghanistan. Why would President Karzai issue such an inflammatory statement against the very same forces that are trying to support stabilize his nation? He is either a Moron, or he was high on heroin at the time.”

In a written statement issued by the Afghan consul in Elgin, Illinois, the government stated that

The democratically-elected government of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan is shocked to see this comment appearing in media outlets, and we do not know where it came from. The Afghanistan government has put fighting against terror and fighting against those who put the lives of Afghan people in danger as priority No. 1.  And in that context, whoever has come up with that comment is a Moron.

Mr. Gumbie, Mr. Over, and Ms. Leggs voted in favor of the Plaintiff. “It is, like, you know, our opinion,” wrote Ms. Leggs, “that Mr. Karzai is a Moron. Did you know his hat is made from the fur of aborted lamb fetuses? As a proud member of PETA, I think that’s just gross and disgusting.”

Gov. Bribescam and Madame Goo-Goo dissented. “How,” asked Madame Goo-Goo, “can anyone call the most chic man in the world a Moron? Besides, heroin can really f–k you up.”

Mr. Karzai’s Moron Quotient is calculated to be 0.39, classifying him as a Quasi-Moron.


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