Davros v. Hawking

Posted: April 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

In its first interstellar case, the Panel of Morons heard allegations from Davros, the Emperor Dalek, that the British astrophysicist Stephen Hawking is a moron.

At issue was Hawking’s speculation that some extraterrestrials may be “nomads, looking to conquer and colonize.”

“The claim by the Defendant that aliens would want to conquer and colonize is utterly preposterous,” argued Davros. “All we want to do is EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”

The Solicitor for the Defense, The Doctor stated, “Aliens arriving on Earth would be like Christopher Columbus arriving in the Americas. And if I recall correctly, which I am sure I do, that encounter did not end well for the Native Americans.”

The Panel ruled 4-1 in favor of the Defendant. “A visit to Earth would be, like, bad for the aliens too, you know?” wrote Ms. Leggs for the majority. “Didn’t anyone see E.T.?”

In his lone dissent, Mr. Over lambasted The Doctor for comparing the Emperor Dalek to Christopher Columbus:

It’s just like this Liberal Panel to trash the good name of an American hero and icon like Christopher Columbus. It’s not like Columbus was responsible for the mass genocide and the enslaving of an entire indigenous people as envisioned by the Defendant. This is just another example of the extreme agenda championed by liberal intelligentsia aimed at disassembling the Great American Civilization. That such a pre-eminent scientist such as Dr. Hawking would participate in this conspiracy is unconscionable and utterly moronic. America, it’s time we stand up and protect our heroes and the heritage they represent from Liberal egg-heads!

Stephen Hawking is thus cleared of the allegations brought forth by Davros. In an interesting development after the Panel’s ruling, Mr. Over tried on the Dalek casing and said, “This is a good fit for me. It’s a lot roomier than it looks and actually quite comfortable.”

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