Levin v. Tea Party Movement

Posted: April 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

The Panel of Morons delivered their verdict on allegations brought forward by Jason Levin, a media lab teacher in Beaverton, Oregon, that the Tea Party Movement is nothing more than a bunch of “racists, homophobes, and morons.”

In his opening statement, the Solicitor for the the Plaintiff, the Mad Hatter, alleged that the “butter did not suit the works.” In response, the Solicitor for the Defendant, the March Hare, meekly replied, “It was the best butter.”

The Mad Hatter and the March Hare continued their bickering, which consisted of  senseless riddles, shoving the Dormouse into a teapot, and the spilling of much tea. The Panel delivered its verdict after a stormy session that consisted of mutual recriminations and the throwing of tea cups.

The Panel ruled 3-2 in favor of the Defendant. “It is the opinion of the majority of the Panel,” wrote Madame Goo-Goo, “that since ginger tea is good for a singer’s throat, the Tea Party Movement is not, as alleged, ‘a bunch of Morons.’ And since I still haven’t found my missing tea cup, when I find out who is behind that conspiracy, I will cut their nuts off and tea bag them!” Mr. Over and Mr. Gumbie joined Madame Goo-Goo in the majority.

Dissenting were Governor Bribescam and Ms. Leggs. “I have based my public career in fighting against the special interests,” wrote Giovernor Bribescam in the opinion of the minority.

“I have been, and always will be, a champion for the Forgotten Men and Women. The Tea Party movement is as beholden to the entrenched interests of lobbyists as my opponents who conspired to have me thrown out of office because I sought innovative ways of funding my campaign, to which they applied such nebulous terms as ‘unethical,’ ‘immoral,’ and ‘illegal.’ Anyone beholden to lobbysists are, in my opinion, morons.”

Since the Defendant is hereby cleared of the allegation of being a “bunch of morons,” they will not be assigned a Moron Quotient. However, due to the disruption they caused in the normally dignified proceedings of this Panel, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare are hereby disbarred.


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