Goose v. Beck

Posted: September 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

After a long summer hiatus, the Panel of Morons began its fall session by considering a complaint brought by Garfield Goose (Plaintiff) against Glenn Beck (Defendant). In his complaint, the Plaintiff asked the Panel to declare the Defendant a “Moron of the most sophomoric kind” for making the following statement regarding the “Restoring Honor” rally held at the National Mall in Washington, D.C. on August 28th:

“At 9:59 , what happened was there was a flock of geese. It was a flyover, if you will. We wanted to have a flyover. It was perfect coordination and perfect timing. Coincidence? Maybe. I think it was God’s flyover.”

Mr. Romburg Rabbit, the Solicitor for the Plaintiff, argued that the reputation of his client, Garfield Goose, “was irreparably harmed” by the reckless association of his species with Mr. Beck. “In fact,” said Mr. Rabbit, “I have the sworn testimony of several of the participants in the alleged flyover that they were trying to shit on Mr. Beck’s head.”

Mr. Beck was represented by the Hon. Michelle Bachmann (R-Minn.), who wrapped up the defense by saying, “We were witnesses.”

The panel ruled 3-2 in favor of the Plaintiff, Garfield Goose.

Writing for the majority opinion, which was joined by Prof. Gumbie and Madame Goo-Goo, Gov. Bribescam stated, “A flock of geese? God’s flyover? Is he serious? Is he f***ing serious? I thought Glenn Beck gave up his cocaine habit.”

Dissenting were Mr. Over and Ms. Leggs. In his opinion, Mr. Over wrote, “Balderdash! This panel reflects the painful death of freedom and liberty in this country. This is exactly the kind of judicial activism instigated by the left-wing media to disgrace the Tea Party and a true Prophet and Patriot like Glenn Beck. Besides, the Plaintiff is a goose who wanted to be a cuckoo bird. Therefore, his credibility has little standing with me!”

In a separate dissent, Ms. Leggs opined,  “Garfield Goose gives me nightmares.”

As a result of this ruling, Mr. Beck’s Moron Quotient is calculated as 0.87, making him an Uber-Moron.

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