The debate over the proper place of religion in the public sphere heats up every Christmas. This “war” on Christmas conflates the cultural and commercial symbols of Christmas with its theological meaning. But these symbols are entirely irrelevant to the the true meaning of the Christmas.


BOB BURNHAM, host: Welcome to the Moron Quotient, I am your host, Bob Burnham. Nativity scenes are dismantled across the nation. Christmas trees are renamed “Holiday” trees. People are forced to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” The War on Christmas continues.

But is there really a “war” on Christmas? According to the a recent Gallup poll, 95% of Americans celebrate Christmas; 51% of whom say the holiday is strongly religious for them. This continues an upward trend since 1990, when only 40% said it was strongly religious. And the percent of people who say it is not too religious is down from 20% to 17%.

Joining me to discuss this issue are two of our distinguished panelists from the Panel of Morons, Ben D. Over, of KRAP Radio, and Madame Goo-Goo. Ben, Madame, thanks for joining me on today’s program.

BEND D. OVER, radio talk show host: Bob.

MADAME GOO-GOO: Merry Christmas, Bob and Ben! I’m so glad to be here!

BOB: We are also joined by someone who can be best described by the words “stink, stank, stunk”: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Mr. Grinch, welcome to the Moron Quotient.

THE GRINCH, who stole Christmas: Thank you for having me, Bob, on your show, and here is a “ba-humbug” instead of a “ho-ho-ho!”

BOB: Ben, is there a war being waged on Christmas?

OVER: Absolutely! There is something very wrong in this country when kids cannot openly celebrate Christmas in public, or our elected representatives in Congress cannot send out Christmas cards. It’s just another example of the erosion of our country’s moral foundation.

BOB: Aren’t you overstating things a bit? Members of Congress are prohibited by a federal law passed in 1974 that forbids using the Congressional Post Office for sending birthday, anniversary, retirement, or similar greetings, including holiday greetings.

GOO-GOO:  Ben, Christmas is everywhere, it’s pervasive. Christmas is a tremendous presence that can overcome people of other faiths.

GRINCH: Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, will stand close together… with Christmas bells ringing. They’ll stand hand in hand… and those Whos… will start singing! And they’ll feast, and they’ll feast. And they’ll feast, feast, feast, feast! They’ll feast on Who pudding and rare Who roast beast. Aw, roast beast is a feast I can’t stand in the least!

GOO-GOO: Shouldn’t we give people like Mr. Grinch a choice? Should he not be free from having the Who’s faith–a faith he does not share–forced upon him?

OVER: What you call “choice” is nothing but an intensifying persecution of Christianity by cultural Marxists who demand that we acquiesce to lies.

GOO-GOO: I’m sorry, Ben, but what lies are you talking about?

OVER: The lies of multiculturalism. This crazy, pervasive political correctness that stifles dissent and stigmatizes social heresy!

BOB:  Mr. Grinch, are you waging a war on Christmas?

GRINCH:  I must stop this whole thing. Why, for fifty-three years I’ve put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming, but how?

OVER: By helping Comrade Obama implement his secular socialist agenda, that’s how!

GOO-GOO:  Or by cutting unemployment insurance or raising taxes on the middle class.

BOB: But why, Mr. Grinch, do you hate Christmas so much? Is it that your shoes are on too tight, or is it that your heart is two sizes too small?

GRINCH: I rage against Christmas for one simple reason, and that is that I hate the whole Christmas season! I hate all the singing and Christmas bells ringing. That’s one thing I hate! All the noise, noise, noise! And the Who’s play noisy games like zoozit and kazay, a rollerskate type of lacrosse and croquet!

OVER: You see? The cultural Marxists behind the secular socialization of America are eroding our values stripping Christianity from the public sphere under the tyranny of so-called “political correctness!” Multiculturalism does not work!

GOO-GOO: What you call “political correctness” I call “tolerance,” Ben. If everyone just took the time to be patient and nice, you’ll have good results. You just need to put your preconceived notions about the “other” aside.

BOB: Just because people say “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” instead of “Merry Christmas,” does that really constitute a war? And if by calling a Christmas tree a “Holiday” tree make the spirit of the season more inclusive, isn’t that a good thing?

GOO-GOO: Yeah, you know, peace on earth and goodwill to all human kind?

OVER: The two of you nauseate me. You are simply waging a covert war on the American way of life.

GRINCH: I am puzzled, and now my puzzler is sore. I think I thought of something I haven’t before.  People will celebrate Christmas, the tall and the small, without any Christmas trees or Nativities at all! Christmas isn’t about what you see in a park! Christmas is about what lives in your heart!

BOB: Mr. Grinch, I think your heart has grown three sizes today.

OVER:  Your souls are an appalling dung heap overflowing with most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable.

GOO-GOO: And I think Ben’s heart has shrunk a size or two.

BOB: And I’m afraid we are out of time. I’d like to thank our guests: Ben, Madame, and Mr. Grinch.

GOO-GOO: Thank you, Bob! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and peace, love, and happiness!

OVER:  Merry CHRIST-mas. And let’s keep the Christ in Christmas.

GRINCH: Merry Christmas, to all of you, and may your Christmas wishes all come true!

BOB: And whatever your faith tradition is, may you be blessed with all peace and goodness. And let us all work together to build a more fraternal world based on love and respet for all our brothers and sisters.

May there be peace on earth, and let it begin with each one of us.

  1. Vijay says:

    Fantastic stuff! Merry Xmas.

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